Tag Archive | Why am I so messy?

My Depressing Messy Cycle

Apr28

Depression and Messiness are definitely linked for me.  That’s probably not earth shattering news but I’ve spent years (at least 42 that I remember) hearing and believing that I am messy and that means I’m lazy…that I don’t care…that I’m useless.  Turns out none of that is true!

All those idiots (many of them people who supposedly love me) were misinformed.  I have an average amount of energy, I care about quite a few things and I’m generally pretty useful if I want to be.

What I have been for most of those 42 years, out of my current 45, is depressed.  I’ve been depressed for many reasons- some of them chemical and some of them situational.  The great news is that I’ve learned better ways to deal with my depression. The bad news is, it’s still a cycle.  There’s no cure that I’ve found that’s long term.  Unfortunately, as my depression increases (expands?), my messiness does, too.

Where I’m at today in this cycle, is that I’ve been back on my meds consistently for about a week.  That’s not enough for them to work but I do start to feel better at this point. I’m practicing mindfulness & meditation. I’m reading things that help me (both religious and medical).  I’m starting to try more. I won’t call it motivation but maybe, willingness to try?

Trying to help the messy:

I’ve tried a million and one different methods and I’m OK with that.  What works today may not work tomorrow.  I’ll worry about that tomorrow.

This week, I had a thought that I just had no interest in doing a list of chores. I just couldn’t.

So, I challenged myself to do more than I thought I can. I made a chart for the week of all of the most important things to do (like personal hygiene, basic chores, etc).  I decided I would do what I could and then try to check off one more thing each day than I did the previous day.  I just made a quick chart in my Bullet Journal.  It’s not pretty or perfect but that’s great, cause neither am I…

I’ll post a picture of the chart but it’ll probably be hard to read.   Let me tell you what I put in mine, in case you are curious. Maybe you’ll want to try it, too, if you are struggling to actually do the stuff on your chart.

Before I do that, though, I have to emphasize this is NOT A CHORE CHART.  Sometimes, I love chore charts, but this week, I am not there.  This is a personal challenge to do more than I think I can, even if it’s just one thing.  It turns out, I was able to do 8 things on Monday without hating it.  On Tuesday, I was able to do 11 with just mild pressure on  myself; Loving and kind pressure.  On Wednesday (my day off work), I was able to do 15 things. Today, my goal is 12 things and it looks like I might even do more than that; all with love and care for myself.

So, here’s some of the stuff on my chart:

  1. Take 3 different medications

  2. Wash and moisturize face

  3. Brush teeth & hair

  4. Bathe

  5. Shave legs

  6. Pedicure

  7. Manicure

  8. Put on Makeup

  9. Make Bed

  10. Pick up and Put away stuff for 15 minutes

  11. Throw away 27 things

  12. Wash dishes

  13. Clear table

  14. Clear kitchen counters

  15. Sweep floor 15 minutes

  16. Mop 15 minutes

  17. Yard work 15 minutes

  18. Pool chemicals & care

  19. Laundry

  20. Ironing

  21. Bullet Journal

  22. Pack lunch

  23. Track spending

  24. organize mail

  25. Play with dogs

  26. meal plan

  27. Grocery shop

  28. Clean out fridge

  29. Clean out purse

  30. Cook

Your list can be whatever you want it to be.  Across each row, I have boxes for the days of the week and I’m checking off each day that I do each thing. I might treat myself to something  at the end of the week based on how many things I checked off.  Or, I might just use it to reflect, learn, grow, and love myself as I am- depressed, messy and all.